The Green Ey’d Monster of Jealousy – How To Turn Jealousy Into Gratitude
Author, Judith Pepper explains how jealousy can be turned into gratitude and create what you want.
We’ve all experienced it, that feeling of jealousy when a relative or friend shares their latest vacation adventure, or their promotion at work with a huge increase in salary and benefits, or any other action that makes us evaluate our lives and we come up short!
Shakespeare coined the phrase for describing jealousy as “the green ey’d monster.” When I feel those creepy jealous feelings I cringe at their pettiness and feel somewhat like a green ey’d monster. As an adult, I should be excited and happy for the person’s achievements. I should grab them and hug them and shout “hurray for you!”
Sometimes I can make those genuine gestures of sincerity and good will. But those times my first reaction is jealousy, I wonder what I think is lacking in me that I am jealous of someone’s success.
Having recently experienced that dreaded feeling of jealousy when I saw a friend’s Facebook post of her latest vacation with her husband in the Balearic Islands off the coast of Spain in the Mediterranean, I knew it was time to grab my coaching tool box and have an emotional overhaul.
I deconstructed my initial response of jealousy to her trip and foun I was angry that she was enjoying one of my favorite spots on the planet and I felt a crappy sense of inadequacy. The feeling of inadequacy posed the question “what’s wrong with me that I’m not on the beach in the turquoise water with all the beautiful people?” That damn green ey’d monster was rearing its ugly head and I really wanted it gone.
I’ve learned to not analyze but utilize my tools that will remove those negative feelings by creating positive thoughts and actions. The source of the feelings doesn’t matter, feelings come and go. What matters is I act my way into new thinking.
To replace the feelings of jealousy to joy and happiness for my friend I used the four prong formula I teach women in my Freedom After 40 coaching. I begin with admitting the negative feeling ( this time the feeling of jealousy) and reframe it to a positive statement:
“How exciting and wonderful for Kathy to be on vacation in Ibiza!”
I knew the jealousy was not about my friend’s trip, it was about my desire to return to Ibiza and Majorca for a holiday! In letting the jealous feelings be the catalyst to identify my desire, the four prong formula was activated using the following system:
- Name Your Desire – I got really clear and named my desire to return to the Balearic Islands.
- Claim Your Desire – I claimed the desire and wrote it in my desire journal:
“I desire a return holiday to the fabulous islands of Majorca and Ibiza.”
- Frame Your Desire – I took positive actions by placing a picture of my first trip as a screen saver on my laptop and several pictures on my refrigerator. I’m researching plane tickets and hotel costs. I am creating an image board of where and what I desire to do once there. I am claiming the trip is already in the works!
- Fame Your Desire – I am celebrating my desire for the cruise, the actions I am taking to bring it to fulfillment and being grateful for the feelings of jealousy. Those jealous feelings propelled me to reframe my negativity into positive actions.
By letting the green ey’d monster of jealousy be the catalyst to name and claim what I desire, it removed all those crummy feelings of inadequacy, being unappreciated and angry and last it took me emotionally higher into my desire for the fabulous trip. I am genuinely happy and thrilled my friend is enjoying one of the hot spots in the world!
If you are experiencing jealousy for someone’s good fortune and work, try using my Freedom Over 40 coaching tools to create the opposite experience. Visit my coaching page and read about the four key areas of life and choose the one that fits the circumstance. Follow the simple instructions and begin to let go of jealousy and realize your own good fortune!
You hold the key to turning the green ey’d monster into the very thing that caused you to feel jealous.
It’s my pleasure to share with you, my readers, my Freedom after 40 coaching clients, my audiences when I speak and with those who read my books or contact me with questions – women who, like me, might have blocks with their heart’s desires. We are in this together, let’s live out our desires!
Over the coming weeks, I’ll be looking at other topics that women over 40 have asked me about:
- Why Am I Afraid to Go to Social Events Alone?
- What Happens On a First Date After a Divorce?
- Why Am I So Afraid of Money?
I hope you will subscribe to this blog and connect with me on social media so you know when the new topics come out. If you have a question about a certain issue, contact me and I will develop a blog just for you.
Finally, if you want to read more of my advice you can buy my book, The Age of Sage, Extraordinary Advice for Extraordinary Women.
June, 16th 2015
Judith Pepper is a sage, author and transformational speaker who guides women over 40 to ask and explore the question “Now, What About ME?” She is the author of The Age of Sage: Extraordinary Advice for Extraordinary Women, a selection of narratives, formulas and ideas on how women can reframe negative thoughts into positive beliefs, so they can build their momentum to live life as fully and wildly as they desire.
Judith is also an expert public speaker on the subject of life transformation over 40. She’s addressed audiences of hundreds of women all over the US. She has won numerous awards in everything from community leadership to pecan pie baking! She firmly believes any woman can reap extraordinary success and pleasure, regardless of what she does for a living or where she is in life.